I have a long list of men who call me ‘bro’ cause I apparently act too rough and manly to be a girl. Unbeknownst to me deep down it bothers me even though most times I act unbothered. I enjoy the company of men more because girls are too euphoric for me. Their energy is overwhelming especially when they start discussing about make-up, smooth skins and men. Don’t get it twisted I’m all for energy and make-up and good vibes but I can’t handle a lot of girl energy. If I were to diagnose myself just to explore the core of my personality I’d say it stems from acne. It may look trivial and ridiculous to base ones personality on such a frail foundation but that’s just it.
In retrospect, I recall myself as a young, beautiful, confident lady who loved dresses, at some point I even swore I would never put on pants, how absurd right? I remember telling my mother to never buy me trousers for two reasons, one being I felt too pretty and the other being well, too girly, if that’s even a thing. I loved outdoors, meeting new people and visiting new places. However, all that had an expiry date, if only I knew what to anticipate, the uncertainty of life is what makes it venturesome; you don’t have to agree with me.
You know how people tell of their journey battling drugs, complex diseases and the like, well I also have a journey only that mine is not a battle but a war that has dragged on to date. It all started when I was in form two, I thought it would pay a quick visit and be on its way only to realize it was here to stay. It had a strategic plan and I missed the memo. One by one it began conquering my face starting with my forehead, I always say it moved in via the front door, one pimple after the other until my face was full of pimples, rent free, how rude right? At that time I wasn’t concerned, I knew it would be over in no time. A year went by and they persisted, victory was never going to be mine at this rate. I stopped looking at myself in the mirror, I didn’t even own one. I did what any teenager would’ve done, I helped them conquer more room by popping them and I have to tell you it felt really good. Aside from that I made a plethora of wrong choices like listening to advice on what to apply on my face oblivious to the fact that my acne was genetic and until I dealt with the root cause all my efforts were futile. About a decade down the line I’m still popping whiteheads but with more experience now.
I will not fail to mention the colossal impact acne has had on my personality. Change is inevitable right? Sometimes we choose it deliberately and become very intentional about it but I hardly noticed the changes I was making in my life. I began dressing like a boy, I had more than twenty caps mostly because I looked good in them but we all know it was to hide my face. I traveled less, marveled less at the idea of meeting new people and spoke less. My self-esteem was surprisingly intact, I still thought of myself as beautiful only now a bit timid, I think that’s when I learnt the art of levity and sarcasm. There’s this one time I met a family friend and she asked me what was wrong with my face and I told her I had been diagnosed of a contagious disease that only existed about fifty years ago, I don’t find it funny now but I smiled all the way home that day.
It is a totally different script facing acne as an adult. I was really hoping by now my face would be smooth and flawless as was presumed and proclaimed by almost about everyone in my circle but it’s not even close to okay. I know I’m not alone but that’s not what consoles me. I somehow found a way around it and I can’t say I have mastered living with acne as meager an issue as some of us take it but I have read enough quotes to know it is well. All the cliché quotes on beauty is what lies inside and the world of makeup that helps conceal flaws -not that I have anything against make-up- doesn’t get to me. You define what beauty is, beauty is not determined by how smooth, flawless, and spotless your face is. So, to all the ladies who are out there facing acne, look into that mirror and address that person you see and tell her she is a gentle storm awaiting an opportune time to unveil and take the world by its horns. Also if it’s any consolation it is said by me mostly that once the acne clears we will look ten years younger.
Shamim is an amazing friend of mine who we have connected from the wee days of our growing up. I’ve admired her charisma and her amazing style. We have a history that can’t be explained, little encounters that have lasted for long and are always conjoining in different ways. We blend and gel so well that we have our special name for each other. She gets me and so do I, so when the idea to have collaborators join me this year came to mind, she had just reviewed my article and gave me a friendly feedback. Would you know what, the feedback she gave me was the same as my idea! I was floored!
Apart from being my friend, she’s a genius walking the streets. She writes so well and is currently taking a Masters class in some genius bio chem stuff that has me floored all over again. What I’m trying to say is, she’s a total babe with rockstar tendencies! (There are no two ways about it.)
That said, let me tell you guys and girls, I couldn’t help but grin with this post. It has in fact taken me back to my post My acne reality and I can not begin to say how impressed by her words so eloquently written. I just love this girl! Thank you Shamz for blessing my readers with your truth in such honest and precise words. Big hugs to you my hitta!
What I’m loving this week:
Thank you for reading.
💫 Peace Love Light 💫