You must have noticed by now I am a gushy person. So this next post is definitely accrued from a story by some of my friends to me and also part of my little life experience. Here’s to you friends, enjoy!
It felt like yesterday when you called and told me you were ready for the next chapter. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe my ears. Funny how we had known each other this long but I still had my heart skip. My heart mellows at that picture in my head.
We went on dates. But you feared that people would see us together, so sneakily you walked ahead of me. At first it felt like you wanted to lead. I wanted to hold hands in public but then you would gently squeeze them away. Still I thought it was the macho man in you that feared PDA. In a public space I wanted to chat with you like we used to in text messages but you said people will get to hear our conversation. Again I thought me being an extrovert for an introvert like you it would be well when I left our chats for when we were alone. I was so clouded with the fairy tale idea of having a prince charming by me that I had created an epic fail illusion trick on my mind, then it dawned on me that maybe you were not proud of me alongside you in our walks.
Yes I was rusty when the relationship begun. Took me seconds to be a wild flower, I mean who wouldn’t glow with smiles from ear to ear with glee at the sight of a hunk like you. Tall, buff and all shades of the perfect masculine effervescence that can make any girly girl twirl around in her imaginary tutu skirt days on end. I now wore the perfume you liked, put as little make up so that it wouldn’t dirty your shirt when we hugged. You said you liked lip gloss better than lipstick. I carried my gloss everywhere in my bag. See, the effect you had on me was the possessed kind. Never in my day did I feel that I was wrong for screaming yes yes a countless times. I just felt that it was the best day of my days every time we spent time together.
It didn’t take you long though to make the best picture I should have cherished my entire life into being the most grotesque vision ever. This time you had me at my worst, my face a little too puffy from all the crying and my mascara drooping shamelessly. Looking at my face in the mirror had me bawling all over again. Yes, of what we could have had and how ugly I look from my crying situation. They say it’s best to know someone before you commit but we knew each other from way back. It was no big deal. Fiercely a lover I expected to be told that you loved me countless times but the few times you said it I still had the unbelief that I had when you first called and told me you wanted a next chapter for us.
Change is inevitable they say, so I shall accept my experience to be the teacher in disguise I so needed for maturity to take place and walk head high fully acknowledging that it was never meant to be. The hurt, the fear of being lonely and a deciduous grim reminder of being unworthy of your time cascade my emotions at times but that shall not dull my shine no more. I choose to be stronger and focused on the things that make me better. And when the one who shall mean and say that they love me and be purposeful about I shall skeet and dance and twirl for that day I shall not compromise to make them happy as we both shall be on the same level.
To all girls out there that have had their fragile hearts broken and felt that they didn’t mean anything, this is for you. The nights you wondered if it is something you did and the days you spent wishing that all your fears could evaporate in the hot sunshine will end when you truly love you for who you are. Warts and all.
Have a lovely moment wherever you are on this beautiful earth we have been given.