Confessions of a serial silent self-loather

Confessions of a serial silent self-loather
As vast as the big plains are should the love you have for yourself be equal. It’s all fun and games till you hurt yourself deeply and no one can ever mend it. You are a gem so take care of yourself accordingly.

Hey you there,

Yes you with the svelte look tonight. That body hugging little black dress you frequently put on to see if you’ve gained weight or not. I see you.
You that looked like you had something to say but your voice among the numbers felt like a Lilliput in the face of many Gullivers. I hear you.

You who seemingly will fall head over heels for someone who ‘pretended’ to ‘care’ for you just because you have felt ugly all your life… Thinking no one can ever ‘really love you’. I bleed for you.

It takes time to heal, it takes time to accept moreover it takes time to relearn how to love you.

Don’t take it for granted that you have those troubles with yourself. You are not alone. The deeper self in you is waking you up to face this eternal anathema tête-à-tête.

Maybe tomorrow you will love better. Be better. Smile better. Do better. But it has to start today.

Promise me you there will love you warts and all, ’cause that will bring an exuberance untold in my heart of heartshearts 💕

Just like these woven baskets at a display, learn to love who you are. Your beauty and flaws are meant to compliment you and connect you with those you meet. It matters to love who you are!

Grateful!

Grateful!

Hey!!! Today is my 2nd year on WordPress!

Yaaay! 2 years! Thank God!
Yaaay! 2 years! Thank God!

And it’s Thursday too, as is common practice here, we have a special time. We blog about things 🙂 Things we love, we think about and want to do. I could go on and on telling you what we do but let me cut the chase…

So today as I write this I want to thank God really for helping me push things I thought were obstacles but turned out to be blessings. And I want to thank my newest readers, the fact that you like and follow my page gives me joy that what I do is worth reading.

So as I was pondering on what to write for you this week I thought why not share with you guys a weird (for the movies) kind of story. Was walking home at night when this idea popped up by the way… {It will be a two-part story also(scene if you may)} So grab your hot choco, coffee, green tea or whatever makes your story reading quite comfortable and let’s roll:

Gwendy on the move

Scene 1:

Walking down the terrace with her phone by mouth Gwendy presses the record button and begins singing some of her creations. Doing this is one of her favorite things to do. She has over a hundred records of herself singing her impromptu ideas and plays with the idea of one day releasing her records.

Rhythms just flow from her soul and she sings out of an abundance of melodies in her. To herself she considers music as a soulful delight that should be savored in all its entirety. She enjoys these moments when all she does is sing… Buses pass, motorbikes, cars, people pass her as she saunters on en-rhythm.  Nothing really bothers her. She does it every day. I mean she is walking on one of the safest streets in the World!

Today, she feels like she can make the biggest stars in the music industry gloat over her magnificent notes. A flicker of light. Unusual she thinks. But keeps on walking unperturbed with that little mishap. Street lights go dim. And dimmer. All of a sudden she thinks it’s her mind playing tricks and keeps on walking… Boom! Street lamps seem to shatter! A reverie she never imagined she would ever live. She holds her bag and phone close to her chest and she walks faster. Adrenaline rushing she tries to look if there is a place where she can hide or cross the road safely. Safe, yes, safe is the only thing she is thinking about. As she looks at her phone to call home the lights come back abruptly and all she could ever think is call her mommy!

Meanwhile as she is frantically scrolling her phone someone from behind grabs her and causes her to lose balance… That’s when all hell breaks lose.

Scene 2:

She’s just a lady with as much lackluster as any girl you have ever met in her teens. Nothing special, nothing beautiful. See her acne has had its share of stares than her rear or bosom ever did. She sometimes wonders what would happen if she were the proverbial “flawless” that is widely marketed on ads. The road to her home is mostly deserted few people pass by there. Plus she is new here. Not so many people know her. She is basically a stranger. Down the road she walks.

A strange looking “ordinary” guy walks up the road and before he gets closer to passing her, he falls down. She looks around her and no one could have possibly tripped the guy… Afraid for her life she turns to cross the street and on the other side she walks on. Another guy walks towards her and like the previous time he falls right before he can reach her.

Scared and alarmed she stares blankly at that guy while managing to look at her surrounding only to see the other guy that fell before stand up and scream pointing toward her. Ghost! Ghost! He then runs of like he was in a trance.

Still not believing she walks to the nearby shop window and she looks at her reflection. I am still normal. She quietly thinks to herself. Then she walks back to where she was and finds the guy who had fallen gone. With an air of nonchalance she walks on.

Steps later a young lady approaches her direction but passes by her… She just waves and says, good evening and everything is normal. Two guys come by and try grab her purse but end up having green slime on their faces. Miraculous! She thinks. She hurries home in a guise not to meet any other person but before she can reach home she turns to look back and wham!



Hey guys… That’s my little narrative thang I had in store for you… Hope you liked it.

Lemme know what you think in the comments below.

Peace to you all 🙂

Go Deeper

Go Deeper
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Image via Urban Dictionary

Sometimes the sexual appeal comes to a halting stop. The wink that sent shivers down your neck becomes mundane. And altogether stops being freely given to you. This is life. But dear, did you go deeper?
Don’t get it the wrong way… I ain’t telling you to pull your skirt up and do the you know what with your man! I mean conversing. Because the whirlwind romance will eventually wane out. All of a sudden you won’t be the most sexy person in the room. Least to say, you will be like “one of the boys.”
It ends pooh. It surely ends. But make sure before it ends your wit, fun and artistic creation doesn’t fade off with it. Remember when he whispered “Camille” in your ears and the first thing you ran to was your painting tools? Yes, that awkward day when you painted a masterpiece that only lives in your room because of the raunchy memories it gives you? Ha! Or the baking spree. Yes the baking spree. Your chocolate chip cookies that he swears by his pa’s grave to be the sweetest thing on earth, though he quips to tell you that they have nothing on you? Sweety, don’t let that fizzle out too. You are a creator of something new and fun.

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Image via epicurious.co

When you met, chances are you loved how he made you laugh until your tears flowed freely. You didn’t care because you knew that put a smile on his face too. You also had words of wisdom that you threw around like confetti. You met and a certain part of both of you clicked and almost instantly you started to complete each other’s sentences like kids do when they think they are geniuses 😂. These funny statements had you reeling off and your ribs ached afterwards; you didn’t mind at all.
My point exactly? To be really interesting  in whoever you meet (Relationships can be draining at times -› been there done that) get to the nitty gritty of why in the first place you liked them. Don’t just stick in the phase of shivers all around your body. That shall definitely end (sorry to say that, but it is what it is *shrugs*).

✔Note: So guys, I have heard the word sapiosexual before and I didn’t quite understand it the first instance but didn’t bother to look it up from the dictionary. I have this habit of looking up interesting words up when they come to mind especially in my sleep or as I run my day to day errands; eerily enough this word came back to me when I was having those solitude moments asking “mineself” all the weird questions on earth aka self-assessment… This is one of the words that clarify why some certain things didn’t work out and fully describes who you are and what you stand for. I was taken aback by the way. Now I know why I act a certain way. I ain’t cut of the same fabric with some folks. It is what it is. I gotta accept it. *Quietly shrugs*
Anyway, long chat aside, it is truly great to be by yourself and know what you really want than to mess it up with just a small fleeting moment that will last as long as it takes to blink. Ephemeral love affair to be precise!
We all want more and lasting. Sisters, I know you feel me. And gents (because my male readers asked me to write a lil something for them. I promise I am working on something. Fun fact: It would have been before this one but this article couldn’t last any longer. I just had to. Bear with me 😉 )I know you too don’t want to waste your time and energy on fruitless romance. So here’s the deal, get deeper before deeper becomes something else, if you know what I mean 😉
OK… My time is out but I hope to see you sooner with something else.

Life is a blissful flower. Learn to smell it and savor its worth while there is still time.

~TuyiDee

Peace. Love. Light.

Dear River

Dear River

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Hi friends,

It has surely been a long time since I last wrote a piece. I hit a hiatus and many events came afterwards and I could not write as often as I used to. But now I am back and I promise to write more. So I just want to thank you guys for your patience and comments while I was gone. You are the real deal.

Back to business. This small marvel of nature has really piqued my interest of late. Mainly because I walk besides it daily but also because of the vibe I get after my solemn night walks too. Here’s hoping I have done justice to the river and all its qualities.

DISCLAIMER: I do not worship the creation, I worship the Creator. This is just fun and games. Little dash of creativity. Have a splendid read and keep your girl company with your amazing comments.



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DEAR RIVER.

Slowly you whisper at the ear that wants to hear, “I can lead you, do you trust me?”

Oh River you flourish whenever I pass by you. The magnitude of your rushing power and the calming soothing soliloquy that you pose are proof of your unending oxymoron. By night when all is calm, your grace and splendor fills the hearts of those connected to you in their hearts.

When the rocks beneath you are not as grand and mighty as those behind you, and the flickering lights of the moon fall on you, my heart melts. The dark shadows and the lighting contrast, gives me comfort. You know that moment of silence, yes, that time when only the crickets beside you are the ones trying to prove a point that we don’t want to hear. And the frogs in the far away shallow water are trying so hard to audition for the natural chorus. It’s OK, they can sing from a distance. As long as we care, we have a connection that transcends the “noise”.

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The company we keep is surely what mama would be proud of. Yes sometimes I feel like stripping off and jumping head on into you but then I remember the boundaries we set. Respect each others space. Fall in love with the aura we exude. That and the fear of drowning have me at bay. “Ha ha!” you may laugh, but it is what it is. This is the kind of friendship we have formed.

Dear River, I appreciate you. Someday we will explore where you give bigger life. Where they call you source though we both know the hills give you life. The ideal symbol for “We receive to give”

Tonight I wonder what the experience will be. Especially because last night our friend the moon joined the conversation.

Maybe we will be silent. Or we will smile. I know what we will do! We will jump for joy in our tickers! Yes, that’s what we will do. We are beyond the confines of what friendship is all about. We are best of friends.

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PS: Yesterday 20th July was International Friends Day. The kinds of friends a writer keeps edify him/her. I am so glad nature is one of those catalysts of edifying me.

Have a beautiful day, night, morning or evening wherever you are. Peace.

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The Pause

The Pause
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Screenshot via Instagram

See this is what happens when you make friends you talk and tell each other who you are, what you love doing and the likes; sometimes they leave, sometimes they stay. Bottom line is: Real friends no matter how far they are from you, the next time you meet again it’s going to be a surefire icebreaker just from the word go.
It doesn’t require rocket science to feel the aura of true blue friends as real recognizes real. So today am dedicating this story to a friend I “re-met” and I felt a kindred spirit as we talked… Like we never left each other’s company. Enough of me… Let’s get the story (fiction) rolling!

Daisy lay on the grass reading a script for her new role in a small movie she helped produce. She loved how every word in the script flowed. She couldn’t help but smile every time a word rolled in her mouth as though it was one of those yum meals she eats at the hotel she stays in. After awhile her phone rings, she answers it and is somehow perturbed. She lifts her stuff and walks straight to her room, aimlessly throws all she has in her arms on her bed, straightens her messy hair and checks her phone and puts it in her rugged jeans. She remembers today she has to leave her clothes for laundry. Unfazed she locks her door leaving the ”DND” card on  and heads to her studio just a floor from her room and picks one of her artwork, something about fair maidens in African regalia to symbolize royalty. With that she locks the door and leaves to get the cab.
Today she has a lot on her plate, one particular client has an order and she has to show her the work Daisy has to offer. All this while the actors group she helped form is going to visit an orphanage of small children with Aids. A lunch meeting with her manager to discuss her new role in the movie. Then later on go touch up on her latest painting. After which she will go for a sunset walk as she takes bird photos for her wildlife project which is the main reason she chose to stay in this hotel due to it’s proximity to nature.
For now miss Daisy is walking towards her lunch meeting, having paid and tipped the cab driver… And here… Here is where she is stopped, courteously, by someone.
Ken was a friend she had made a couple years ago and due to work and other calls of life, they lost touch. Her perception of him was that of a worthy friend and when he taps her on her elbow, he has her full attention. She always has a lot of respect for anyone that is cautious when touching her. That aside, she was surprised to see him. In her wildest thoughts she never expected to meet him especially in that specific place. Head so doused that she had thirty minutes to her planned meeting, she carefully chatted with Ken for the few minutes she had left. Good thing it was just a block away so they strolled as they chatted the minutes away.

What I am saying is that, there is quite a bond that comes into play when you meet up with someone you haven’t met in a long while. The one you ‘pick up from where you started from’ kind of bond. It’s incredible… I hope you find such type of friendships. I am lucky and grateful to have some like that!

Peace my readers.
XO

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Country Love

Country Love
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http://www.canberra.edu.au/centres/riverinelab/ISRS%20website/events_isrs.htm

Nzoia River

Dry lips from the endless wind blowing on her face, for a second you think she has had nothing to eat in a long while. Dirt fills her shoes as she walks past the majestic tower that is viewed by many as a shelter from the hot scorching sun. Today she had no worries of that ruthless sun glare… She just walked as if she was possessed with a good spirit full of joy despite her setting. Her skirt flowing freely and dancing to the medley of her meticulous sway and the constant whiffs of the wind causing a crescendo of unprepared melodies as she walks.
She walks past a group of boys and steadily does a flippant stare at the ground so none of them sees her face. A quick shiver runs through her spine when she hears her name from the boys, “Katrina!”  They hollered and catcalled as usual. She ignored them and continued to walk as gracefully as she could. Trying not to meet any of their gaze, she made it past the whippersnappers of her small hamlet. At the corner of her road she met up with Vance, her longtime admirer-who was too shy to tell her.
“Today I have to talk to Katy!” Voices in his head clouded his mind she almost passed him by. Gathering his courage, he stepped out to the dirt road leading to the river. The river where Katrina went there to cool herself off especially on a parching day like this one… Vance met up with her and gave his best shot at wooing Katy, who seemingly fixated on going to the fresh misty untainted atmosphere,  gave little thought in talking to him. Acquainted from the fact they lived in the same village they had little facts about each other so miss Katy sauntered on leaving the bruised Vance cursing at his lack of words to express his emotions to Katy. Oh well, there’s a next time. He thought. Meanwhile Katy was at her most serene place to be, enchanted by the aura of beauty in a chaotic neighborhood. For awhile she had a utopia-esque escape from reality. She knew she and the river, dirt road, hot sun and the sheer chance of living in this sweet old boonies she had grown to endear so much was her way to bond with mother nature. She felt royal whenever she hit the road to the river. She felt revived. Like she was in a fairytale or a dream. Who knows what magic lay beyond her dreams and fantasies.
As for dear Vance he knew she was special and wanted to show that to her, though he put his foot in his mouth every time he tried to.
At least he tried.
He continued his mission to love this sphinxlike lady… Admittedly he was flustered whenever he wanted to talk to her, it felt like he was in a space different from her but that didn’t deter his mission. In his mind she loved him and was scared to reciprocate it. You know how people are, rumors spread, and he wouldn’t love Katy’s name tainted. He consoled himself… His was a Knight in shining armor love to this country princess. He had a special connection to her unfathomable by mere denizens of their back country.

{{Hey guys! Hope you love this piece I just wrote. Initially intended to title this story “Of Frogs and Princesses” in allusion to the classic Princess and the Frog but changed it later because I felt that it didn’t quite fit well… Anyways hope you like it. If you do, inbox me on social media, comment below or whatever you wish to do, tell me if it’s what you guys like or give any suggestions (I love them, they keep me going☺)
So tell me what you think… And don’t forget to share if you like it.
Peace ⭐
XO ❤}}
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