Thunder rumblings, a perfect weather

I sit here now realizing it’s taken so much to get here.

Words are formative and sometimes silence is formative in its own way, but does that define life we live in now?

You have to have had an existential crisis to grope at certain things and realize life as we know it is a perception of certain individuals and your own all in the same. Intertwined to create an illusion that life should be lived that way.

Today morning, thunder rumbled.

As I waited for raindrops to burst out in glee, I was appalled to realize they were teasing. You know how the dark clouds of rain expectancy mean that you might have to miss work or sleep in more? Well, this time it teased, and teased and teased some more till I couldn’t push my alarm clock’s reminders any further for a risk of missing work.

I obliged to leave the bed, freshened up and ready to start the day. Made it to work by a brazenly nine-minute lateness. To my surprise an early riser streak of mine… But that’s not why you opened this piece. You want to know why thunder and weather require rumblings and perfection to be quantified as what they are.

A lady with her whims and perilous misgivings or enchantments on weather is a somber soul. I recognize that lady and associate with her as she embodies the reality of who I was today.

A hunkering for sourdough came a knockin’ and deep down I knew I needed to get one such a loaf. I squeezed in my wallet and saw I could spare a fiver to buy that ‘decadent’ loaf. I loosely call it decadent as some people abhor it, not me, hence the coinage in decadency. But you’re not here for this narrative either.

I leave my desk and head out to get a motorbike, my preferred mode of transportation, you know the speed, the availability and price point being the favorable reasons of coming to that choice.

This is where the journey begins.

I get on the bike all favorable options in place and yes I haggle myself to an appropriate price for the ride. But still, that’s not why you are here for. You know how you’ve read that people’s attention span these days is low and you’re your last piece of work? I beg to differ and I intend to get to that with this piece I am aptly calling a think piece.

Now, where were we?

Off we ride, and this rider of mine has the instructions to take me to my sourdough destination and back to where I we first meet. I am to pay later, he obliges. But that’s not we are here for. The in between as you might now come to deduce is the essence of this think piece.

And whoosh, the cold, blithely morning ride is what drives my body into a plethora of thoughts. First, good thing I wore my warm coat, my leather gloves, thick tights and boots so the warmth category is my shield to tackle the road ahead. All set!

Next albeit simultaneously present in that moment, the thoughts come dancing and swirling like some teenagers out of high school ready to collect memories and adventures to retell when they get back to boarding school and boy do they (whether this analogy serves this post or not is up to us to come to that conclusion, but I digress.)

I am reminded of similar days in Nairobi, am I homesick? I am reminded I live in Kigali, is that cognitive dissonance? I entertain each thought, I actually love them! They exist in the same universe that is my thoughts, but they don’t own me.

We push through traffic and past the greenlights, a jocund mood ensues, a few cars zoom past us and I take note of cars with number plates 555 and 888 and I smile (numerology, baby!) Still deep down I know and wish to express that this is the best weather ever!

Let me tell you, for close to 6 years of my stay here, it’s the first time I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the weather like I have today. That’s not to say this is the first occurrence, I have actually experienced a similar feeling when I first moved here and it was a different experience through and through. I wondered in awe of how clouds could be so low one would be engulfed by them, I catch that memory as I write this piece. But…

Today, today was different.

The weather embraced my whole being, my soul if you may. It’s like it hugged me and I hugged it right back. The wisp cool air fighting its way into my gloves to remind me that it’s here just in the same juxtapose with the foggy dark morning breeze on my face lest I forget about it. It felt melancholic yet it felt like the most happiest I’ve ever been is such a long time.

I felt like I could cry, for joy, for the realization of this phenomenal moment. Might have even wanted to bottle it up and the think piece came to life. You’re now experiencing that, and unbeknownst to you already getting the chills, or am I bluffing?

Yes, I took a pause from writing, in fact I indefinitely stopped writing but this weather right here has brought words gushing out of my brain and I can’t believe I am almost hitting the 1,000th word mark which is a feat for any writer out there especially one who has that as the target on a title so painstakingly hard to word.

Bleak is where I felt I was at. A never-ending abyss of anger, fear and total lack of control. How does one come from that to catch some air and finally let everything flow and accept that nothing really is in our control?

How does one get to that point? The point of letting go and letting flow and enjoying what is there and naught? It’s taken many a people a pandemic, a total free fall and endless horrors to get to a point where they end up realizing that lo and behold, the only control we have is realizing we have no control and letting things be.

A school of thought in its own right but a hard to accept ethos of life if you like to be in charge and in control of the fallacy that you’re capable of being in control. I can go on and on but let me tell you something that this weather has taught me, get in the moment you are in. See a pebble? Gawk at its exquisite design. See a little babe (and I mean a little child in this context, silly) pass you by, feel their tenderness remind you of those small mundane things that fill you with awe and wonder. Take everything as it comes and let what goes follow suit as you realize the reality is in that moment of total surrender. We come to that when the time comes, even if you don’t, let this little think piece plant a seed to your highest good and glorious encounters with yourself enjoying all that you ought to be ejoying!

Not that any of you asked what happened, lol, see what I said about ‘you are as good as your last post’ gaffe? A hog wash I must say. Your last post, first post, in between post is a result of what you’ve gone through. Good or bad, don’t put yourself in that box. It leads to nowhere worth nourishing your soul. On that note, how about commending your attention span?! You are about to finishing a 1000+ worded piece and that’s just to say that your mind can go where you allow it go, you just have to let go and open your mind for the endless creative endeavors and inspirations that come your way!

Happy healing dear one, you’re doing your best and you are living proof!